A bird in the hand

I filed my resignation last month citing "an opportunity for me to broaden my horizon and refine my skills as development work practitioner that I cannot afford to miss" as the reason. That's not a lie but it's not the whole truth either.

A couple of weeks before I filed my resignation, I was offered a job, a project to be exact, by an NGO headed by a friend. I liked the project - its nature, the pay and most of all, the fact that I am in charge of my own time. I'm one of those people who work best working in their own pace.

With everything working well as planned, I was quite proud that I am somehow managing my career life well for the first time.

Then I messed up.

Proud that I was being hired without me applying to the job, I pushed my luck and applied for other jobs, high paying ones, that is.

I reached the final interview of one company who expressed interest in having me. I was confident that I have everything they're looking for and more. But right after I answered the first question my would-be manager asked me, I knew I fucked up the interview. I tried to save it, believe me, but then I was trying too hard and we both knew it.

I went home miserable.

Non-reactive.

We've been anxious to get tested for quite some time now after figuring out that I may still be well within the incubation period when I donated blood to Red Cross last December.

The idea of getting tested made my stomach sick and my head paranoid. What if I’m positive? Who should I tell? Will I tell my family? What will they feel? How long will I live? How will I live my remaining years?

The boyfriend learned about The Love Yourself Project thru MGG. But as early as last month we have already inquired on getting tested in Mandaluyong Social Hygiene Clinic. Problem is testing in only in weekdays but we don’t have time on weekdays. Yeah, that’s stupid and ironic. How can you not have time for something that could very well tell if you’re gonna have more time to spend?

We arrived just a few minutes after the scheduled start but there were already 10 or so guys there, mostly in their 30s. We were asked to fill up a form while we listened to a discussion on HIV/AIDS. We then waited for our turn to be tested.

Nervous as hell, I was. I distracted myself by playing with my iPod but there’s I guess there’s nothing that can really distract someone when he is about to get tested. And the song in the AVP they were playing was not helping. I dunno what song is that but it’s downright depressing.

Before the blood extraction a one-on-one counseling was made. Was asked a couple of questions and the counselor discussed some more on HIV/AIDS. I was hesitant to give real information but I realized my life could very well depend on these people if I am positive so might as well tell them everything.

I’m a wimp so the blood extraction was one helluva painful experience. I was shaking so bad the medtech asked me to relax a couple of times. I was then asked to go get back in the waiting room. The boyfriend was already there.

The boyfriend is optimistic that we’re negative and so I couldn’t find any hint of nervousness in him while my stomach is driving me crazy. He was called, by MGG himself, to know the result of his test. He came back quickly, didn’t say anything but I knew he we was negative.

A few minutes and a few tummy somersaults more and i was called. I like the counselor who told me the result coz he told me right away, he was nothing like those doctors in soaps. Non-reactive, take care. He said smiling.

Relieved was more than I felt. I was happy, joyous. No more what-ifs, mo more paranoia, no more depression, and yes, no more tummy aches. I went back to the waiting area to fetch the boyfriend, proceeded to the reception to say thank and say goodbye to the TLYP team (the boyfriend introduced me to MGG as his boyfriend, awww), and went back to our normal life.

Thank you, The Love Your Self Project. And happy birthday, MGG!

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P.S.

Get tested. Not knowing will not make HIV/AIDS go away.