Last week, after the lecture at AIM, instead of going back to office and making sure all the deliverables for the day included in the checklist my superior prepared for me have check marks on their respective tick boxes, I went home and emailed her and the admin officer my resignation of some sort.
Of some sort because I wasn't still technically hired because I haven't signed the contract yet. Why? Because during the first day of work, no, from the first few hours of work I knew I don't belong there. But who am I kidding? That piece of paper called contract is just for formality and I still owed them another piece of paper called resignation letter for formality.
Sure, I could get used to the social (sosyal) environment, the fabricated pleasantries and relationships, and the efficient-as-a-Swiss-watch work habits. I could probably blend so well in a few days you'd think I've been there forever. But I don't want to get used to what they have there or what they pretend they have there.
So I quit.
Don't get me wrong. I don't blame the organization, the people or the way they do things there. What they have there works and works well for them. I just don't want to belong there.
But not wanting to belong there is both truth and an excuse. Truth is, I'm not sure where I'm headed to right now. I don't know what path to take. Hell, I don't even know what I want. I just want everything to stop. I wan't everything to go into a complete halt.
But that won't happen. The world doesn't stop no matter how hurt, lost or confused you are. I learned that last year.