Runaway

I’m a coward.

I don’t like pain and I try as much as possible to avoid it. Now that I’m in the middle of a storm of pain, emptiness, and fear, I will choose to runaway. I will run away and hide in the arms of someone who has showed nothing but love to me; someone who knows and understands the situation I am in yet understands and accepts the total mess that I am.

I tried to hold on. Really, really tried.  However, the storm is not just a storm but a battle as well. This battle was supposed to be the two of us against our problems.  But I am alone in the battle. Several times, I asked and begged for his help but he didn’t come. He’s busy fighting his own demons. I tried to survive on my own and barely lasted. I don’t think I can fight anymore.

Then someone from the not so distant past came back. He knows how wrecked I am. But he told me that he’s willing to help me and take whatever I can give him. He’s agreed to help me and take whatever I can give in return. He’s willing to ease my pains and shield me from more pain. And I’m too beaten-up to refuse help from him.

So I’m choosing to heal and be happy with him. It will take some time but with someone by my side showing me an unbelievably immense amount of love, it’ll be faster than being just all by myself.  I know most will not approve the manner that I choose to move on. Many will think badly of me. But they don’t know my story. Only the most trusted people in my life know. So I won’t give a damn to other people.

Next week, I’m chasing pavements no more.

And maybe, I’m not a coward after all.