On Boredom and Insanity

Classes ended last Thursday yet I'm still here in Elbi.

I dunno why but I feel more at home here in Elbi more than anywhere else. And that includes our (my lolo and lola's actually) house in QC where I grew up and my Tita's house in Cavite where I spent high school. I feel like a stranger whenever I go to either house. I feel uncomfortable and restless when I stay there so I usually stay no longer than two days.

But since it's Christmas season I would have to stay for a week or two. Horror.

I don't have much to do in QC except to eat, sleep and watch TV. But I'll be doing the same thing if I stay here in Elbi just replace TV with internet. And I'd always choose internet over TV. There are no decent shows in local channels after all. My relationship with the tube is very much based on news and Kris Aquino. But I can catch them both on the web.

Sometimes I feel guilty because I don't come home as often as I should. My grandparents and my Tito's and Tita's were practically the ones who raised me (here's the drama: Mom and Dad separated when I can barely count all the way to 20). So it's only proper that I spend time with them. But I don't. Tito died three years ago while Tita has her own family now. On the other hand, I'm having a hard time relating with my Lolo and Lola. I grew up so much that we don't seem to have the connection we used to have. But I love them. Really.

Truth is I'd rather be bored here in Elbi than in QC. I can snap out of boredom if I'm here in Elbi - something I can't do in QC. Quezon City is like Forks (Twilight) minus hot bloodsuckers Carlisle and Edward (Carlisle is one DILF*) to me. I find everything  gloomy and in slow mo there. And I hate it there because the water is biting cold unlike the almost always warm water here in Elbi. Thanks to the suspected dormant volcano Mt. Makiling.

And if you're thinking that the problem is me and not the place, well, I guess you're right. I'm so boring I bore myself sometimes.

So what's in a person that makes him boring? I dunno. You tell me. So why do we get bored? I dunno either but Wikipedia says we get bored when

...when we are prevented from engaging in something, when we are forced to engage in some unwanted activity, or when we are simply unable, for no apparent reason, to maintain engagement in any activity or spectacle.

I think I'm pointing my finger on the last one. Uh-oh. Maybe something wrong with me. Maybe I'm not bored.  Maybe I'm suffering from depression. I've encountered the term clinical depression - a concept that is abused by many people claiming that they are depressed when in fact they're just plain sad. But I'm not sad. I even consider myself happy. Lemme read some more.

Boredom can be a symptom of clinical depression. Boredom can be a form of learned helplessness, a phenomenon closely related to depression. Some philosophies of parenting propose that if children are raised in an environment devoid of stimuli, and are not allowed or encouraged to interact with their environment, they will fail to develop the mental capacities to do so.

Ok. This is getting scary. I can't be clinically depressed. I'm just bored or at most, sad. But not depressed.

I think I'm gonna hit the shower now and go out for dinner.

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*special thanks to Jaypee for introducing me to this term